My personality, and maybe more than that, my identity, I believed was entirely based on the clothes I wore and the music I listened to. It was not a flexible thing either, I thought once I figured out who I was that was who I needed to be forever.
This is adolescence, am I right? Were you the same?
Even into my twenties, although much more comfortable with myself, I still struggled with identity. I remember shortly after I started riding a bike, there was a day I wanted to wear a sundress and cowboy boots. But, how would I look riding a bike in boots? and Good Lord! What would people think when they saw me? How would I be categorized? I wouldn't look like a hardcore cyclist (umm, which I wasn't). Oh! how this stressed me out. Because if I was going to be a cyclist, I had to dress like one all the time, right? I believed someone would come to me and see through it, this isn't who you really are! You Phony!
I was completely blind to how multifaceted a person could be. I didn't realize that I could be the kind of person who dressed in costumes and facepaint going to art festivals or burns. AND the kind of person who wore cut-off shorts while riding my fixie. AND the kind of girl who enjoyed a cute dress and being twirled around the dance floor ... ALL while being a mother. But more importantly that none of this actually says anything about who I am as a person.
Perhaps that's it. Perhaps I had to figure out who I actually was, before I was comfortable in all the different personas I like to enjoy. And I, like everyone else, am not so one dimensional that any one of these defines who I am.
I don't know when being so comfortable in my own skin happened, but I think like most of us it was something that grew slowly over the last decade. How lucky we are to have our twenties to become ourselves.
The photos: 1. I was with a group of girls going to do a 5k in which costumes were encouraged, we dressed up as 'glitter crayons' 2. Dancing at a sock hop 3. Posing at a all 80s vinyl hiphop night 4. A cowboy themed bike ride 5. Just me riding around on a thursday night. As you can see there is a theme of dancing and bike riding in my life ... the things that make me happiest (besides my family :) of course).
Do you feel comfortable in your own skin yet? or do you find it is a constant battle?
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