Sunday, December 2, 2012

a mommy moment

I'm sitting in our shed on a lawn-chair, listening to Nina Simone, catching up on blog-reading and drinking this morning's coffee (gross? I think not!)  Perfect. Well, almost perfect ...
We are on day 3 of John putting redding to bed (insert a hiccup from crying here).  I think Dr. Sears recommends this in The Sleep Book? or maybe the Attachment Parenting book.  Either way, it's so so SO (so, so, so) hard to listen to him cry (hence being outside).  However, I don't view this as 'crying it out' since John is there with him.
For the sake of my sanity, we have to get him to go to sleep some other way than nursing.  A crazy, tired and resentful mom benefits no one!!! ('Amen' from the choir?)

(Ready? Set?) Let the doubting of myself begin...
How did you get your child to start sleeping on his own? Any suggestions?

On the brightest of sides, having redding in his crib means I can start reading in bed at night again.  I live for late nights of reading in bed, don't you?



oh hey! look, it's me. happy. getting alone-time.



Oh, and on a very serious note, my house looks like santa's workshop right now.  Glitter, sequins and felt galore.   You'd better get ready for some christmas crafts coming your way. For real. (Or as a jr. high teacher told me recently 'real talk' is what the kids are saying these days). So, real-talk y'all, let's craft.

<3
andrea

13 comments:

  1. Oh SO SO hard. Good for you. He'll be just fine. How sweet of John.

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  2. That's the worst. It does get better after a few days. Although technically my 3 year old still sleeps in my bed every night. perseverance wasn't my strong suit.

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    1. haha. but if it works for everyone, it works! I thought I'd be like that ... turns out I don't have the patience I thought I did! (well, that and my baby is a very VERY light sleeper).

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  3. Hang in there. Our son left us no other option. If we left him alone, he screamed, if we rocked him, he screamed louder. So I went far away and I gave myself 10 min check-ins. (I would do dishes loudly and shut the water off to listen for cries every 10 minutes.) What feels like 45 minutes when you are right outside the door is more like 7 minutes. So, I recommend distance, watching a clock to keep yourself grounded in reality, and a big glass of wine.

    To give you hope, after quite a while of crying himself to sleep, he now sleeps 11 hours without waking up! My guy is 11 months old, FYI.

    We really liked the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Rather than a book that tells you what do, he summarizes all of the research that is out there and what all the other books say and then lets you make a decision.

    Good luck! Check out my blog under the "cry it out" label. We had some rough starts, but it was great eventually.

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    1. Thanks meg! I've been reading up on your blog! thanks so much for sharing. lots of helpful hints in there (and I'm glad to know that I'm not in the trenches alone!)

      I've heard of that book, and I definitely think I'll hop on amazon right now and order it. thanks again girl!
      a

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  4. My little guy will be 8 months old on Sunday and we are still nursing to sleep initially but now if he wakes up in the night, my husband gets him and comforts him back to bed. No more middle of the night nursing. So, while I let him nurse himself to sleep, he has still learned to put himself back to sleep at night or to be soothed by Daddy if need be. Often times he goes back to sleep on his own without needing my husband if we just give him a minute to fuss and resettle. We realized that he is very vocal even when he isn't all the way awake and will sometimes be in between sleep cycles and fussing, not crying just fussing, and if we leave him alone, he'll settle back down, but if we go to him right away he wakes all the way up and then its hard to get him back down. The first few nights of my husband going in to comfort him was SO hard. He would stop crying when he heard my husband enter, but then as soon as he realized that it wasn't me, he would just wail and wail. I felt bad for both of them! It's so much better now though, and I'm so glad that we stuck to it, and that my husband was such a trooper with my little guy wailing for his mama! You can do it!!

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    1. ohhh! good call on that routine (I like the not having to get up bit!) I definitely think that will be our next obstacle to tackle. As of now we are still bringing him into our bed half way through the night... which has been working (especially this week as he is getting more teeth! poor fella... )
      Thanks for the encouragement!

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  5. I am going to second the suggestion of Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.

    For us, our breaking point/breaking through point with sleep and our nine month old daughter came at the end of a two-week period where she had suffered through a bad virus (the worst Coxsackie ever--blistery rash, fever, sniffles, coughing, vomiting), and had fallen into a terrible sleep routine where she would not nap all day and then would wake up through the night every couple of hours and be inconsolable screaming if my husband tried to console her and would only be consoled by me nursing her and rocking her for literally hours.

    When she was finally well enough, and we were sleep deprived enough, one night when she woke up one hour into sleeping for the night, we let her cry and did not go in to soothe her. Our main concern in doing so was that she might fall and bonk her head on the crib rails (she stands in her crib and cries when she wakes up), but we had seen her lower herself to the floor and mattress of her crib often enough that we were willing to take this small risk. That night, she cried for 45 minutes straight while we watched her on the video monitor and kept giving her silent encouragement. The next night, she did not wake up other than to do a 4 am nursing. The following night, I did not go in for the 4 am nursing and she cried a bit but settled herself down. Since then, I will nurse her before naps and before bedtime, but if she does not fall asleep nursing, I will put her in her crib after rocking her a bit, and will say, night night, and she is always able to settle herself down within 20 minutes, often less. She will cry when I leave the room but not for more than a couple of minutes.

    My sense with sleep training is that you have to get to the point as a parent where you are confident in the bond you have formed with your baby, you know your baby is clean, dry, and well fed, and so you can basically feel secure that when she is crying, it is because she is testing to see how you respond or she is herself so exhausted that she needs to cry a bit before she settles down. You also may have to be so exhausted yourself that her cries do not hurt as much as they would if you were well rested.

    We are lucky to have a daughter who can cry healthily without vomiting (we have heard horror stories about this) and also to have a daughter who is adaptable when we let her kind of lead the way. As an aside, we co-slept until 4 1/2 months, shared a bedroom until she was 8 months, and only now feel that we are all ready for a bit of separation and better sleep. I plan to nurse her as long as I can and she wants to. I don't know too many nursing mamas who don't nurse their babies to sleep from time to time.

    I LOVE your blog, your photos, your honesty. Keep it up!!! And good luck with the sleep training--it's so individual to the baby and the parents, but the Dr. Weissbluth book is a good, well-researched resource.

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    1. thank you so much for this thoughtful response, Kristien. I definitely felt like I had to get to the point that I realized ... I'm with this kiddo all day, it will not hurt our relationship for him to sleep in the next room.
      AND it hasn't! Actually ... I think his father putting him to bed and responding to his cries, has caused redding to be more bonded to his dad! (awesome).
      Annnnnnyways, thanks for the honest response, hope you stick around and to hear from you again!

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  6. Oh I ache with sympathy! Babies are head jobs, man! I love your honesty and I really wish you all the best in luck/patience/perseverance/coffee!

    It does get better, I promise! New follower from the blog hop. Hope things improve :)

    http://myvintagepie.blogspot.com.au/

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