I was just going to post these pictures with a little blurb about how much I love my life. But, I feel like as long as the baby is resting, I should put a little disclaimer, so here it goes:
I haven't always loved my life and my life, sure as hell, hasn't always been lovable. So, I don't want my life to come off to you in only bits and pieces of good and you think that is all there is.
But that being said, I am proud of my life today. I have worked very hard emotionally and physically to get to this point. I have had a string of loser boyfriends. I have had a failed marriage. I have battled problems with low self-esteem which caused bouts of self-destruction. I have partied too hard and not at all. I have been deserted by friends and unsupported by family because of decisions that I made.
I have cried because I've been poor, lonely and tired.
But, I have gone to therapy. I have sought help. I have searched and found things I enjoy (that aren't for anyone else, just for me). I have learned how to say 'no'. I gave the nice and seemingly-boring guy a chance and he turned out to be the love of my life (and not boring ... just safe. Ladies! there is a difference!) I have pushed myself through school graduating with honors (thanks to the learning how to say 'no').
AND, even with all that, life is not perfect today (although it is more perfect than it's ever been before). I am plagued with postpartum anxiety, I am tired, I constantly feel like I am not enough ... enough mom, enough girlfriend, enough friend... whatever. I am confused on what the future holds and what it should hold.
ok, the baby is awake and needs me now, so I should wrap up. BUT, hey, have I mentioned that I'm in love with my life today? I'm in love with my boyfriend. I'm in love with my dog. I'm in love with my son. I'm in love with being a mother. and I am always still working on being in love with me.
p.s. If you think you need therapy but can't afford it, I have found help before at the ywca, they work with women on a sliding scale basis.
you want honesty? here is the only family picture we got while out of town. And it's perfect in all it's imperfections.